No Need To Defend Rachael Ray, Defend Yourself

"No Need To Defend Rachael Ray, Defend Yourself"

As the sun sneaks through the clouds, birds sing their morning songs while Alanis Jordan's Optimus radio/tape player/alarm clock hums. Her husband, Tavis, stands, stretches and comptemplates his day.

"I know David is going want me to finish Hall's taxes today." He says.

"He's a pill. Ain't he?" says Alanis.

"Yeah. What you got planned today, sugarfoot?"

"I'm going to my Rachael Ray Sucks Community board and write about what that hoe was wearing yesterday. Tacky with a capital t." says Alanis.

David kisses his wife on her pimply forehead and enters the bathroom praising God for creating marriage.

Is this the scenario every morning in a hater's home? Is this close? And by hater, I'm not talking about the usual suspects: the KKK, the Taliban or Russell Crowe. No, I speak of another form of hate: player hating.


I shouldn't be surprised that there are so many websites, blogs and songs dedicated to hating innocuous people such as Rachael Ray, Britney Spears and Santa Claus but I admit that I am.

The Internet is now a home those who crank call radio talk shows, who write letters to the editors and to those who say "we" when they talk about their favorite sports team. Now, the jackasses leave misspelled profanity filled comments under a YouTube video. Yeah, them folks.

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports has Rachael Ray done to upset the people who the run the Rachael Ray Sucks Community? Why spend any of God's precious time typing copy, editing comments, and uploading pics to a hate site? You got porn, illegal gambling sites and blogs written by cats to occupy your time. Don't let them go to waste. According to Al Gore (D-TN), we only have about four or five to months to live. So live.

The usual haters rant always includes how such and such is always doing this and that. When anyone asks,"Why do you continue to watch them?" The answer usually is some variation of, "They're everywhere. I can't avoid them." or "I got see what they do next." No, you don't. Really. Ya don't. Take my words for it, brother.

Go Fug Yourself, The Superficial and Rachael Ray Sucks Community all thrive on hate. The webmasters won't admit to it. (Well, maybe they would, I ain't never talked to them.) The common theme between these sites may be that the owners are tired of the media shoving these icons down the throats of America and the stars need to be taken down a peg or two or three.

Yeah...Rachael Ray showed me how to make beef gravy; send her to Guantanamo immediately.

To sum up, it's irrational to hate someone who has no affect on your life whatsoever. Some say it's irrational to hate anyone but those don't go to the Post Office.

Rent a life.


The names in the story were made up and stuff.